I sent my pastor a friend request on Facebook and he innocently accepted. Two minutes later, I received a few messages from him and found out they were meant to be prayers.
Pastor: How are you?
Me: I’m fine, Daddy.
Pastor: May the building of heavenly favor collapse on your head.
Me: (No reply)
Pastor: May the thunder of Blessing strike you and your family.
Me: (No reply)
Pastor: May God slash you with the ax of long life.
Me: (No reply)
Pastor: May God stab you with the knife of riches.
Me: (No reply)
Pastor: May you be sentenced to life imprisonment in the eternal jail of success!
Me: (No reply)
Pastor: My son, are you there?
Me: Yes, Daddy!
Pastor: You should be saying Amen to claim the Blessings.
Me: OK, it’s my time to pray for you, Sir!
Pastor: Alright, my son.
Me: May an over-speeding trailer of Blessings jam and crush you and your entire family.
Pastor: (No reply)
Me: May the light of God blind your eye that you may not see the sufferings of this life anymore.
Pastor: (No reply)
Me: May the earthquake of happiness swallow you and your family members.
Pastor: (No reply)
Me: May the sea of miracle drown you and your family members.
Pastor: (No reply)
Me: May the Boko Haram of joy kidnap you, sir!
Pastor: (No reply)
Me: May the death of riches kill you, your family members, relatives and friends.
Pastor: (No reply)
Me: May the anointing from above destroy your church and kill all your church members, excluding me and my family members in Jesus name (Amen)!
Pastor: (No reply)
Me: Em — em — Daddy, are you there? You should be saying Amen to these wonderful prayers.
Pastor: May thunder fire you! Idiot…
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