Have you laughed today?

Don’t break anybody’s heart; they only have 1. Break their bones; they have 206.

 

If you ever fart in public, just yell, “Turbo power!” and walk faster.

 

Yo momma is so fat she uses a pillow for a tampon.

 

Interviewer: “What’s your greatest weakness?”
Candidate: “Honesty.”
Interviewer: “I don’t think honesty is a weakness.”
Candidate: “I don’t give a f*ck what you think.”