Sure, broadening your horizons to explore new kinds of sex is very exciting—but that doesn’t mean it can’t also be a tad nerve-wracking, too.
So, if you’re venturing into sex with fellow women and femmes for the first time and feeling some (or, like, a lot of) anxiety about your foray into lesbian sex, trust that it’s totally normal to be freaking out a little. Like, have you seen women? Not to brag, but we’re pretty damn lush and gorgeous. When you’ve got a fellow babe in your bed, it’s only natural to want to bring your A-game.
If this is your first lesbian sex experience, your brain is probably overflowing with questions: What body part goes where, exactly? Who is supposed to play what role? Should I use lube? Do I REALLY need to trim my fingernails?
Not to worry, my friend. You’ve come to the right place. Hello and welcome to your beginner’s guide to pleasing women, as a woman.
Before we get into it, allow us to get one thing super straight (even though the sex we’re talking about is far from it):
Lesbian sex is nothing like what you may have seen on garbage free porn sites.
Most lesbian porn we find for free on the internet is made for the male gaze. It depicts (highly unrealistic) fantasies for the enjoyment of men, explains Pam Shaffer, MFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist.
So, get those heteronormative, badly written scenes out of your mind and let’s move on. (For a more realistic, ethical, and actually useful frame of reference for sapphic sexual experiences, we suggest checking out some feminist porn sites.)
According to Shaffer, what makes lesbian sex so glorious is that, unlike your typical heteronormative sex, lesbian sex (and really all queer sex) doesn’t follow a socially prescribed script. The participants are the only ones who get to decide how the experience will look. “There’s generally a lot more turn-taking and centering [of] each partner’s pleasure, so there’s a much better chance that everyone gets their own happy ending (or endings, as is more often the case),” she adds.
If you’re interested in giving lesbian sex a go for the first time, you’re in for a world of exciting new sexploration, and we’re here to show you the ropes. This inclusive guide aims to serve as a reference for sex with folks who identify as women, which includes both women who have vulvas and women who have penises. The best thing about queer sex is that you can tailor the tips and tricks below to your situation and what works best for you and your partner. We’re just here to help make your sex life even more sizzlin’ than it already is.
Now, let’s dive headfirst into this fully loaded guide to lesbian sex, featuring insight from some of the world’s leading experts (see our next post). You’ll feel a lot more confident, a bit less nervous, and fully prepared to have what may just be the best sex ever.
