What is self-sabotaging behavior?  Are you sabotaging your relationship?  Let’s find out. 

Here are 8 signs that represent self-sabotaging in a relationship

1. Criticizing 

Criticisms reduce motivation and energy in relationships. 

Have you ever felt like you or your partner were nitpicking about almost everything? You might wonder, “Am I self-sabotaging my relationship?”

If you or your partner are constantly talking about what is wrong and never talking about what is right, you could be involved in self-sabotaging relationship patterns.

2. Blaming 

There’s a reason why we have the saying, “It takes 2 to tango”. Blaming usually creates emotional distance. When somebody focuses on the other person being wrong, not only do they reject their own role in the relationship, but they expose their partner to potential feelings of unworthiness and inadequacy. 

Nobody wants to be with someone they feel inadequate with.  Be honest, do you share responsibility in times of challenge, or does it usually feel most important that you’re right and they are wrong?

3. Gaslighting 

“You’re too sensitive. I don’t remember saying that, so it can’t be true” 

Do these phrases come up often? Is there a feeling of regular self-doubt? 

Gaslighting is highly destructive and can lead to disbalance in the relationship. It is also one of the toxic traits in the relationship and should be checked in the first place, if one partner resorts to gaslighting to have their way in the relationship.

4. Overtalking 

We all want to be heard. 

Do you and your partner let each other speak, or do you speak over one another? 

Lack of room to speak can create a ripple effect where one of you feels there’s no space in the relationship. So, take turns in the argument, or even during normal conversations. Listen as much as you talk to keep the conversation balanced.

5. Ghosting 

You’ve probably heard about the silent treatment. 

Do you or your partner drop off the face of the earth and ignore communications when times get tough and expect to understand? 

This is an unhealthy, destructive communication pattern that leaves you both unclear on where you stand. Ghosting also adds more stress and heartbreak. 

6. Infidelity 

This comes down to more than marital affairs and sex. 

Do you or your partner turn to others outside of the relationship to fulfill your emotional needs? 

Cheating on your partner, whether it is emotional, physical, or both, is a form of self-destructive behavior in relationships that usually results in you sabotaging your own happiness.

7. Addictive/compulsive behavior 

Compulsive addictive style behavior is not easy to be around because it’s often rigid and narrows the room for connection. 

Do you or your partner channel your energy into ‘things’ such as games, cleaning, drugs, alcohol, food, exercise, and work in a way that does not leave much time to connect?

8. Clingy codependency

Co-dependency is when we become so dependent on a person it’s like an addiction.  Do you and your partner have your own personal space? Is there any mystery in your relationship? 

If the answer is no, then you need to set some healthy ground rules to establish healthy interdependence.