Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
Age is a relative thing. All my relatives keep reminding me how old I am.
Q: What goes up and never comes down? A: Your age.
Q: Where do you get a birthday present for your cat? A: From a cat-alogue.
You know you’re getting old when you have more candles on your cake than friends at your birthday party.
You know you’re getting old when you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you.
Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don’t really know.
Q: What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? A: Aye, matey!
Q: What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? A: Mice cream and cake.
Statistics show that those who have the most birthdays live the longest.
Doctor, doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake. Try taking the candles off.