So, Imam (may Allaah preserve him upon goodness) continued his series of sermons on how to build working Islamic homes, may Allah reward him abundantly.
If my memory serves me well, the Imam explained two major factors that bring about marital discord;
🎯 Absence of love in marriage
🎯 An Nushooz (Ill-conduct)
The Imam stated one of the causes of Marital Discord is sudden and continuous absence of love in marriage.
A man may just develop an intense dislike for his wife and vice versa, perhaps due to staying long period in marriage or other reasons such as stinginess on the part of husband, etc.
This point buttresses my stance that love wanes in Marriage, it could hardly be the sole reason that sustains marriage nor make it to thrive!
Then, he explained how to manage absence of love in marriage.
He quoted a verse of Quran where Allaah guides us on what to do in that circumstance.
“And live with them (women) honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good.” [al-Nisa 4:19]
Also, he cited the Hadith of Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) where he said:
“No believing man should hate a believing woman: if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will like another.”
His advice could also be corroborated with athar from Umar (may Allah be pleased with him)
‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) said to a man who wanted to divorce his wife: Why do you want to divorce her?
He said: I do not love her.
He said: Are all families based on love only?
What about care and decency?
(‘Uyuun al-Akhbaar, 3/18).
The Imam said many women are in marriage not necessarily because of love.
He implored us men not to hastily opt for divorce whenever we perceive there’s an absence of love in our marriages.
He urged us to keep these women in marriage even when the love is waned.
He said doing so will earn us great reward for implementing the verse of Quran quoted above and it may enable us to realize a great deal of good eventually!
Also, he mentioned how a wife can address absence of love in marriage as well most especially if she perceived this from her husband;
The wife should address this by having genuine communication with her husband and she may choose to drop some of her rights to address the issue as well.
The Imam (may Allah reward him abundantly) mentioned the story of our mother Sawdah (may Allah be pleased with her) with our noble Prophet Muhammad (may Allah peace and blessings be upon him) who forsook her right and bequeathed it to the most beloved wife of the Prophet, Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her).
Thereafter, our Imam moved on to the second causes of marital discord; An Nushooz (Ill-conduct)
He succinctly defined an Nushooz as a situation where each spouse fails to uphold each other rights in marriage.
Then, he explained to us how to tackle this ill-conduct in steps; the husband has to do the following to address an Nushooz.
📌 Admonition first. The husband should tactfully give admonish his wife, explain things to her properly and encourage her to uphold her duties towards him.
📌 Forsaking her on bed, by turning his back on her in bed. And tactfully reject her advances in bed to let her realise her ill-conduct and turn a new leaf.
He emphasized sleeping with her on the same bed but turning your back to her, you don’t necessarily need to go and sleep in parlour on a couch or whatever.
Then, my mind was telling me that such a husband may need something to tidy up the powerhouse in order not to lose guard.
Women are great charmers or enchanters ever created; they have that magical powers to make a man loose guard.
📌 Thereafter, the Imam mentioned the last option to address an Nushooz which is hitting in a manner that is not painful.
He said Ibn Abbass mentioned hitting with something as light as checking stick.
The Imam mentioned that this hitting shouldn’t be done in the children’s presence and not to beat her black and blue as it’s rampant in our society.